Nature's Hardest Hue to Hold
by blyssfullyignorant
Summary: Folks on the outside may not notice, but we have become a bunch of lost kids who've just realized they ain't bulletproof. Some minor cursing.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys! Call me Blyss. I hope you enjoy my story, the next chapter should be up within a week... hopefully. ****HUGE**** thank you to my beta, SharpShooter-Pony!! (: I'm having some trouble with it so this will be my second time trying to put it up … it keeps adding random lines! Sorry about that, folks.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.**

When my ma died, the Curtis' were there for me every step of the way... at least the Curtis parents were. Don't get me wrong, the whole gang felt real bad for me, they were right nice for a while after she died. They would even take me to get ice cream and give me big hugs when I looked like I was down. They just didn't know how to talk about it, at least, not the way Curtis parents did anyway. It's like this, the Curtis parents listened to me, I think they dug me real well. They would even call my pa to ask him how he was doing, papa said he reckons they're the nicest people he ever met!

There was an eerie feeling around the house after Ma died, it was oddly calm. Not that I don't miss my ma, but I think she was crazy anyhow, her moods switched on a dime. She'd be all happy and nice one minute and then she'd start screaming about something or another. I reckon that's why none of the guys liked visiting my place once we all got older, it got to be pretty stressful sometimes.

When I moved into the East-side of Tulsa when I was 8 years old, we were all too young to sense the tense environment. I was directly in between Soda and Pony age-wise, they were 9 and 7. They were also the first people to greet me in my new neighbourhood. They ran over to my house when they saw a new kid moving in so close them, just two houses down in fact, and on the opposite side of the street.

"Hi!" Soda practically shouted at me in an adorable little drawl, "I'm Sodapop, this is my little brother, Pony! Pony say hi ..."

"Hi," Ponyboy managed to say in the brief pause his brother allowed him to greet the newcomer of the neighbourhood.

"... So, where ya from? What's your name? How come you moved here? Wanna meet my other brother Darry?! Did I tell ya I have TWO brothers? Ain't that cool? Do you have any brothers?"

My mind rushed to answer them. _Canada. Ally. Daddy got a new job. Sure, I guess. No. Sure. No._ But I soon forgot them all. I was stunned by all the questions that came outta that boy's mouth! I had no idea what he had just asked me, so I answered what was fresh in my head.

"Uh ... no," I stated in response to his last question.

"Huh ... you should probably tell your parents to get you some, they're the greatest!" Soda had a huge grin on his face as he said this. Even then I could tell he really loved his brothers which to me meant that I needed to get myself some. That very night I asked my parents if they would please buy me a brother ... 'cause I just assumed you'd buy them at the baby store. They laughed for hours.

That day was the best day in my life for many reasons; mainly because it was the beginning of many new friendships. Soda eventually got all the answers to his questions. He said he knew I wasn't from around there 'cause I had a funny accent, but I don't think he actually noticed that. I don't really remember what members of the gang came before or after me, because when we are all together it feels like it has always been that way, and will always stay that way. At least, it sure seemed that way... but life has a funny way of sending reality in to belt ya in the gut.

Like I told y'all earlier, it all started with my mama offin' herself. I reckon that's why the Curtis parents were so concerned about me; who in their right mind wouldn't automatically assume it was their own fault their ma killed herself? They always told me that they knew my mom pretty good and she just had some problems with herself, I had nothing to do with it. I wasn't sure I believed them, considering my mama would sometimes call me some pretty nasty names when she was annoyed or angry with me. Eventually I realized it didn't really matter whose fault it was, my ma was dead and she wasn't coming home ever again.

I remember more than a year after my ma died, the day I walked into the Curtis household and seen a strange sight. The very first thing I had noticed was a police squad car pulling away from the house as I walked towards it, I thought it was odd but didn't think too much of it. It wasn't odd to see the fuzz 'round these parts, especially with Dally being around. Speaking of Dally, he was the first person I saw in the house - or, storming out of the house I guess. He pushed me outta the way as he did it, too. I had just reached the door at that point and was eager to get inside, 'cause it was a bitter cold winter day, so I just ignored Dally's not-all-that-unusual behavior and pushed forward into the house.

It was what I saw in there that surprised the hell outta me. The very first thing I saw was all three of the Curtis brothers sitting on the floor sobbing on the floor and holding each other. That freaked me out a little bit. This was something you definitely did not see every day. Just beyond them sat Johnny, staring at his lap looking helpless and sad. Steve was in a corner of the room with his hand pressed against the wall looking pissed off at no one in particular, just pissed off. Two-Bit stood staring out the window with his arms crossed and what looked like tears rimming his eyes, but I knew that couldn't be true ... Two-Bit just didn't do tears. They had all looked up at me when I entered, as though they were expecting me to be someone else. After they realized I wasn't whoever I was supposed to be, they just went back their own little scene not two seconds later.

I stood there staring in shock at the scene before me, unsure of what to do. Part of me wanted to walk out the door like Dally, but I knew that I couldn't leave my friends without knowing what was going on around here. I took small baby steps towards Two-Bit because I wasn't sure how badly I wanted to know what had everyone so worked up.

"Hey Two-Bit," I whispered to him, he just looked at me for a minute before responding.

"Hey Ally," Two-Bit sighed.

"You gonna tell me what's up?"

He stared at me with a pitying glance for a moment before he took a deep breath.

"The Curtis folks ... they've been in an accident."

"Two-Bit, cut it out. You mean they're in the hospital or somethin'? What are you trying to say?" I guess I was in shock, because it was plainly obvious what he meant to tell me. I could see Steve watching my reaction from the corner of my eye, he looked frustrated – like he wanted to shout at me for being so slow. I reckon a few of the others were watching us but I didn't care. Two-Bit sighed again.

"They're dead, Ally."

"Oh," I muttered, tears filling my eyes. I began to feel a little light-headed, so I tried to put my hand out to steady myself, but my body had other plans as I unceremoniously crashed to the floor. I tried to control my tears because I realized I was about to have a panic attack. It didn't take long for me to begin to feel nauseated and start sweating. I felt Two-Bit drop beside me as he began to realize what was going on and he placed his arm around me. The guys had witnessed a few of my panic attacks before, after my ma died.

The tears fell faster as I began to feel my breathing become increasingly difficult, it just became worse and worse until I fought for breath, I was hyperventilating harshly.

"Shh, baby ... come on now. You're alright, ain't ya?" Two-Bit whispered to me. I hated that I was causing a scene for people who weren't even related to me. I saw someones feet shuffle towards us, and then move away. I was attempting to slow my rapid, shallow breathes. "Hey, would ya look at this? Johnnycakes brought ya some water. Ain't that nice? Come on doll, breathe like me right now."

Two-Bit took my hand and place it over his chest so I could feel his slow, deep breathing.

"I'm -"

Breath.

"So -"

Breath.

"Sorry -"

Breath.

"Guys."

"Aw, hush," Two-Bit said. "We ain't mad at ya. We know ya loved 'em. Sh, we ain't mad. Are we mad, guys?"

"Naw," Soda said while choking on his own tears. "We ain't mad."

That night fought to be the worst night of my life, just having the news that the Curtis parents wouldn't be around anymore. Everyone was real sad, we all loved them, even Dally, and we all dealt with it differently. Pony, Soda and I were a little more obvious about how if affected us, we started eating and talking less ... and crying a whole lot more. Steve and Johnny bottled it up, and were there for their best friends when they needed it. Darry and Dally bottled it up even more than Steve and Johnny, they hardly showed that they were hurtin' at all! Two-Bit just got soused a whole lot more, even though we didn't think it was possible

A whole 'nother year later and here we are still, we've been through shit together but we still know how to have a pretty good time. I have to spend most of my time with the gang. It's because my pops works a 9 to 5 shift, but with the extra hours he's been getting. Some days he might not be home until 10 some nights. Some times I'll catch a flick with Pony or just walk around town with Two-Bit or Soda.

I was pretty broken up when Pony and Johnny ran away. I stayed up real late at night, praying for them to come home soon. The minute I found out that Pony and Johnny were back in Tulsa I ran to the hospital. When I saw Pony I gave him maybe the biggest hug I ever gave and told him how much I had missed him! Ponyboy was real tuff, he dug sunsets and started to make me dig 'em too. When he was gone I cried when I looked at the sunset, and wondered why everything bad happened to him, of all people ... I had no idea it could possibly get worse! I was kind of sad when I saw his blond hair, his auburn hair was so pretty, I couldn't wait for the blond to be gone.

The newspapers were calling Pony and Johnny heroes! I was proud of Pony, but he didn't see why people kept saying this. To him, it was his fault Johnny was hurt. I told him what they did was real brave, and nobody was to blame for Johnny's actions, he was being a hero too. Once, I went to see Johnny. I walked in with a smile because I hadn't realized Johnny's condition was so serious, when I saw him my smile faded automatically.

"Johnny, buddy? How ya doin'? Feel okay?" I had asked, realizing how I sounded like such an idiot.

"I'm not doin' so hot, Ally," He whispered with a resonance of sadness.

"Aw, don't worry Johnnycakes! You'll be fine, I bet -" I trailed off slightly, I had almost said he'd be walking outta here in no time. I knew that wasn't true. "I bet you'll be home soon. I want you to know I'm so proud of you, Johnny. You're like a big shot or somethin'. Nobody will ever forget you, you big hero!"

"I'll miss you a lot, Ally. You've gotta be the nicest gal in all of Tulsa."

"You're talkin' like you're going somewhere, Johnny. You ain't going nowhere for a long time! The doctors in this place will make you all better, you ain't got nothing to worry about!"

"I'm a little tired, Ally," Johnny said, choking on his tears slightly. "I think I'm just gonna get some sleep, is that okay?"

"Of course! Do ya want me to stay here and just talk to ya for a little bit? Or I could just leave if you want ..."

"It'd be real nice to hear ya talk a little bit."

"Okay, Johnny," I said with a smile, it was small but it was all I could muster up, I hoped it translated into my voice. I ranted on and on about nothing at all for half an hour, Johnny never spoke up once 'cause he was trying to sleep. Once he had been sound asleep for ten minutes, I left, all while praying with all that I had to let him be okay.

That was the last time I saw Johnny. Later that day I walked towards the Curtis household, wondering how everyone was doing because I knew there had been a rumble earlier. I had just started towards their door when the gang burst out of it. I cried out in surprise as they raced past me. It only took me a minute to decide to follow them. I ended up getting close to Steve.

"Steve!" I shouted at him. "What the hell is going on?!'

"Johnny's dead," Steve said, hardly looking at me. "Dally's on the run from the cops, he robbed a place."

"Johnny's ... **dead**?" I looked around in the darkness at the other gang members there, Johnny was missing. Johnny was dead, and everything I told him in the hospital was a lie. I felt defeated in a way, everything seemed to be falling apart slowly. So now someone important to me has gotta die once a year, without fail?

It took me a second to realize the gang had stopped suddenly. I forced myself to stop so abruptly that I lurched forward, causing myself to fall onto my hand and knees. I looked back at the gang, but no one had even seen me fall ... they were all looking past me. I followed their gaze to see Dally pointing a gun towards some cops. I heard people shouting that it wasn't loaded behind me. I heard the barrage of bullets and held my breath as Dally fell to the ground.

Turning around, I saw the pain on everyone's faces. We all felt the same devastation. The gang's baby brother was dead, as well as our protective close friend. I knew Johnny was older than me, but he always seemed like my baby brother. And Dally ... well, he and I were never really all that close, but I knew he had my back if I needed him. He looked out for his own. I never thought I'd have to say I'd miss two of our gang members - we're all so young, see? But the truth is, I'll miss them both a hell of a lot.

There was no real funeral for Dally and Johnny, who could afford it? Once they were buried we visited their grave sites, saying our final goodbyes. No one could afford any fancy headstones either, but everyone pitched in enough to buy two plaques with their names on it. I tried to force myself to stay together long enough to make it home. It took all I had, and I still couldn't make it all the way through our little ceremony without bursting into tears. It had been my turn to speak.

"Johnny, you were always such a great friend to all of us. You didn't deserve all the - " I coughed a little bit, trying to rid myself of the lump gathering in my throat. "- the ... the pain you got." I knew I couldn't continue talking to Johnny for too long, or I'd break down. "It's gonna be tough to keep goin' without you. We'll all miss ya so much, you were so brave, buddy." tears stung my eyes. I now began blinking furiously to rid myself of them. I pressed on, trying to make final peace with two boys who couldn't hear me anyway.

"Dally, you were possibly the scariest person I ever met, and that's saying something, 'cause I know what Steve's like when he's real angry." I paused for everyone as they released a small chuckle, but for some reason as I tried to smile my dam broke down ... tears poured from my eyes as I kept talking. "Even though you were scary, it didn't matter so much when we started to look at you more like a friend. You didn't hesitate to look out for us. But I think you did something better than all of that by giving Johnnycakes somebody to look up to. So ..." It was getting hard to speak as the tears ran faster. "So thanks, not just for stickin' up for me those times, but thanks a lot for being Johnny's hero."

When we returned to the Curtis' place, I think we all felt just a little bit better. We all said the messages we had always wanted to convey to them with our actions. Even though it hurt to think about them being gone, it felt better to know we had said what was on our minds. We all sat in silence in the living room, wondering what to say.

"Hey Ally," Soda said, to get my attention. "I was just thinking about what you said back there, about Dally lookin' out for us. I know you're right, but I'm just wonderin' what he'd done for you. Ya know? Ya said he stuck up for ya and what not."

"Oh, well ... I 'member this one time, I decided to walk home one day after school. I didn't get too far before this Soc cheerleader was struttin' about with a few other girls and a big group of boys. The boys were trying to impress 'em. How could the cheerleader pass up an opportunity to bother an obviously poor girl who was walking by herself? They did whatever she told them to." I saw the gang's shocked faces, and quickly added, "They didn't hurt me so bad!" I said when I saw their shocked faces. "'Sides, they weren't at it long before I managed to get lose and started to run but I didn't get far before they caught me again. It was far enough for me to catch sight of a rough lookin' greaser nearby, and I hoped it was Dally. So I shouted to him, he ran over and looked at me for just a second and said, 'Been lookin' for ya, kid.' Then he whipped those Socs pretty bad.

"Were they cryin' after?" Two-Bit asked with a laugh and I laughed with him.

"You bet they were!"

We spent the rest of the day talking about our memories of Dally and Johnny. None of us wanted to go home, we'd all been sleeping in the Curtis living room since Johnny and Dally have been gone, though I ain't too sure why. I guess maybe we all thought reality was waiting right behind the door to our homes, 'cause when we're together in here it kinda feels like it's just another late evening of us messing around. It feels like Johnny and Dally will turn up any minute, and nothing would have changed. Folks on the outside may not notice, but we have become a bunch of lost kids who've just realized they ain't bulletproof.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! This is my update, obviously. I've heard people say that Ally may become a Mary-Sue, hopefully she has started leaning away from that title! Reviews are appreciated (: .**

I groaned as I woke up, realizing my face was stuck to Soda's shoulder. It actually kind of stung when I tore it away. Just as I decided to get up, I felt a sharp pain in my legs as I attempted to move them.

"Ow, Two-Bit!" I shouted at the sleeping figure who was currently laying across my shins. "Move!" I commanded him, as my orders fell on deaf ears, he was pretty much out cold.

I sat there wondering what to do. Considering I couldn't move, I had nothing better to do than sit there and study the guys as they slept. I wondered when they'd all became so handsome. Soda certainly had the movie star good looks, but I didn't think the rest of the guys were all that far behind him in that category. I reckon that girls must be real jealous of me, I spend so much time with some real lookers.

I frowned as I began to think that they may not be jealous, they may even wonder why I'm hanging around these guys. I'm not some kind of Marilyn Monroe or something. I got wavy brown hair down to my shoulders and emerald green eyes. Nothing special, not to me anyway.

Finally, I got tired of just sitting there watching my friends sleep. My mind instead drifted to what I would do today. Realizing today was a Wednesday, I figured it's high time to get back to school. I hoped Two-Bit, Pony and Steve felt the same way, it'll be hard enough being in school today without Johnny. I don't think I could make it through without those of the gang who still attended school.

I knew I had to get up and go to my house to get ready for the day, I just didn't wanna. I eventually forced myself to try moving again. I placed my hands on the cushions of the couch I was leaning against, I began to use it to push myself upwards and hopefully have Two-Bit just roll off my legs. As I was pushing myself up, I noticed my hands were not on even levels. Once I looked to see just what the problem was, I realized one of my hands wasn't on the couch at all, but instead it was squishing Steve's arm. I hoped he hadn't noticed, and was still asleep. As my eyes traveled up to his face, I was met with a fiercely annoyed glare.

Steve's look scared the hell outta me! It shocked me so bad that I jumped up with a cry, which successfully tossed Two-Bit to the floor. He released a small shout of shock and to add insult to injury, I tripped over his face as I launched myself across the room. I ended up smacking a wall with my forehead. I was rolling around on the floor, holding my forehead as I heard the room erupt with laughter and I couldn't help joining in.

"Are you - " Pony struggled to finish his question as he choked on his laughter, "alright ... Ally?"

"Shoot, yeah," I managed through my own laughter, " fine! How 'bout you, Two-Bit?" I asked as I removed my hand (I think if you added 'from my forehead' here, it would keep readers from getting confused as to why Ally's removing her hand and from where.) so I could see him. He was holding his shirt collar under his nose, I guess I gave him a nosebleed.

"Ya stomped me worse than any Soc ever has, doll." I could hear him chuckling through his shirt.

"Sorry! Steve scared me half to death!"

"I just looked at ya, for God's sake!" Steve said, rolling his eyes.

"Are y'all planning on going to school today?" Darry asked the question that had been on my mind all morning as he emerged from his room. He was the only one who slept in his own bed last night, I guess 'cause the living room got too crowded for him.

"Yeah." Pony muttered.

"I reckon I should go," I said, looking towards Two-Bit and Steve to see if they were going as well.

Steve just nodded. Two-Bit finally removed his shirt from his nose, leaving behind some dried blood on his shirt and face.

"Right on, school day!" He shouted, grinning like a fool. I laughed at him as I stood up.

"Best be gettin' ready, I s'pose." I said as I opened the door, squinting my eyes as the sunlight hit me. "See ya later, fellas. Have a good day at work Darry and Soda."

"'Bye, Ally." Soda and Darry replied as I closed the door behind me.

When we all got to the school, I got kinda nervous. I wondered if we were going to have a lot of trouble with Socs today. I had no classes with any of the guys, so I wouldn't know how they were doing until lunch at the earliest. I was more worried about them than myself, the Soc guys didn't _often_ attack Greaser gals.

I felt pretty darn relieved when the final school bell rang. I hadn't gotten to see any of the gang all day because I was kept in to do school work at lunch hour. The day was just as bad as I figured it'd be, everyone was being real jerks about the death of our friends. Some Socs were celebrating, while some Greasers pretended they gave a damn about all this. I reckon Pony got the worst, this being his first day back since Johnny killed that kid.

The Greasers that pretended to give a damn probably annoyed me the worst. One gal came up to me this morning, acting real sorry about everything. And that would have been fine with me, but this girl was crazy for sure.

"Hi!" She squealed at me. "I heard 'bout your pals Pony and Darry, I can't believe they're gone. We'll sure miss 'em a lot 'round here."

"Johnny and Dally," I managed to murmur in my stunned state.

"Huh?" She asked. At this point I decided it would be better for me to walk away than lose my cool on this idiot.

That was all expected though, that's just how most folks knew how to act in this situation. I think what was weird about today was that not _everyone _acted that way. In my English class some super Soc sat beside me, asking me how I was feeling and if I wanted to grab lunch with him today. 'Course I said no, he might have forgotten the boundaries between us on today of all days, but I wasn't about to.

I realized how cold it had been getting lately as I stepped outta the school doors, keeping my eye out for my friends. It probably hadn't helped that I didn't even bring a sweater to put over my dress. My ma insisted that I dress in Soc-styles even though I begged for normal Greaser clothes, but she'd always tell me the same thing, "Allyson, if you want respect in this life... you must at the very least dress appropriately." Ma sure was weird. I used to wonder if my clothes made me look like a Soc, but any time I'd hear it being disputed behind my back, someone always pointed out that my clothes were just so obviously cheap.

"Hey!" Someone shouted behind me, I turned around hoping it would be one of the gang. I was disappointed when I realized it was that Soc from earlier.

"What do ya want, Soc?! Why can't you just leave me alone?" Usually I wasn't so rude, not even with Socs ... I'm pretty shy, see? But this fella was really beefing me!

"Yeah, I'll certainly leave you alone, _if_ you tell me your name and let me take you out to dinner."

"Name's Allyson, you'll hear most folks call me Ally. As for going out, no sir, Mister Super Soc, I don't think so. Take a hike." I shot a cold look into his brown eyes which I noticed they matched his hair in colour. I didn't really care about his looks though, this guy sure was getting on my last nerve.

He grabbed my elbow kinda rough, just tight enough to make sure I didn't tear my arm away. I reckon he was kidding, but it scared me a little bit. "C'mon, I won't let go until you go until you say you'll come to supper tonight! I couldn't take my eyes off you today. Ever since I heard that you palmed that guy in the nose for messing with you."

I now felt two emotions, amusement and fear. I almost laughed when I heard that people were saying I hit Two-Bit on purpose, and for "messing with me" at that! I bet Steve was spreading that around. But then, I also felt my heart begin beating faster, this sorta reminded me of that time when those Socs tried to whip me. I just nodded to him, my eyes were fixed at his hand on my elbow.

"Great! See you tonight, I'll come by at six. Where do you live, anyway?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat to tell him my address, I was too stunned to make one up. He took his hand away and unzipped his jacket, handing it to me. I took it without saying anything, and looked up at him confused.

"Put it on. You look cold, take care of it for me though. Wear it tonight, okay?" He waited for me to put it on before continuing earnestly, like he hadn't just forced me to go out with him. "Well, I best be off. Catch ya later, Ally."

He kissed me on the cheek before turning around and strolling away casually. He didn't get too far before he turned around, shouting "Oh yeah!"

"My name is Will!" He then turned around and kept on walking. I stood there, staring after him in shock of what had just happened. I didn't like that guy, who did he think he was anyway?! Ya don't just go around grabbing people and forcing them to go to dinner. That seemed rude to me, and I hang around guys who pretend not to know what manners are!

I looked around the parking lot for any sign of Steve's ride. Boy, was I gonna be mad if they had left me here alone.

"Hey Ally!" I heard Pony call out to me, I looked over to see him standing next to Steve's car. I couldn't believe I'd missed it. "C'mon, you wanna get outta here, or what?"

"What took y'all so long?!" I cried out as I ran towards the car.

"We stomped a few Socs is all," Two-Bit replied with a cheeky grin as we finally peeled outta the school parking lot. "What's up with the jacket? Did ya mug a Soc?"

"It ain't mine." I stated obviously.

"I think we got that already." Steve growled from behind the wheel.

"Who's it from?" Pony questioned, his eyes observing the jacket with growing interest.

"Uh … Will." I was feeling detached from the conversation, my mind was on focused on tonight.

"Why on earth would you wanna wear this Will's jacket? Look at it, it's doggone ugly!" Two-Bit joked.

"He told me to." This statement caused me to receive suspicious glances from the other passengers. I knew they were wondering what he had done to me. I was more concerned about what he had planned for me tonight.


End file.
